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Author Anne Lamott shares how she had to unlearn what others thought of her

AILSA CHANG, HOST:

Each week, a guest draws a card from NPR’s Wild Card deck and answers a big question about their life. Anne Lamott says that she felt drawn to writing almost like it was a call to become a monk. She’s also felt called to teach others how to write and to help them organize their thoughts on the page. Her newest book, which she co-wrote with her husband Neal Allen, is called “Good Writing: 36 Ways To Improve Your Sentences.”

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR CONTENT)

ANNE LAMOTT: I want to teach people that the writing is where the action is – the writing, the collaborating, the writer life of reading, of studying, of sitting at the feet of the masters, of – you know, it’s wonderful to get published, too. I mean, but it’s not what you’re looking for.

CHANG: Lamott spoke with Wild Card host Rachel Martin about what it means to be human.

RACHEL MARTIN: What’s something you thought about yourself that you had to unlearn?

LAMOTT: I had to unlearn – I mean, my parents taught me great values. They were civil rights activists. We were marching for, you know, just all the great good causes. And they taught me to read. I was reading very early. They gave me the value of literature and libraries, you know, the greatest American institution besides the Constitution. And – but I had to learn everything – almost everything they taught me – ’cause it was the ’50s, and they taught me that girls look a certain way. Well, I was never going to look like the other girls. I had this really crazy, wiry hair. And it grew up and sideways. It didn’t grow down. And I was – I got bullied, and the bullying gave me my sense of humor because I discovered that if a boy with other boys had a drive-by insult on a bike and I thought of something to throw at him, the other boys would laugh at him, and I would be a little bit better.

And – but so what I had to unlearn was that what other people thought of me was who I was or had anything to do with who I was. And I had to learn just from the bottom up that I was not what men thought of me or East Coast literary men, and – or I was not what the really cool teenage boys or girls thought of me, that I was this precious, hilarious, wise girl and then woman who was kind and generous and kind of a mess like we all are. Like, if there’s…

MARTIN: Yeah.

LAMOTT: If there isn’t something wrong with you, I’m not interested…

MARTIN: Right (laughter).

LAMOTT: …You know? If there isn’t something wrong with you, we’re seriously going to have almost nothing to talk about at dinner. So maybe sit somewhere else. So – and I had to learn that that was what it meant to be human…

MARTIN: Yeah.

LAMOTT: …Was to be real…

MARTIN: Yeah.

LAMOTT: …And to be vulnerable…

MARTIN: Yeah.

LAMOTT: …And to be who you actually were…

MARTIN: Yeah.

LAMOTT: …Instead of who you always agreed to be because you got good grades.

MARTIN: For sure.

LAMOTT: I love that old Anais Nin quote, and I’ll probably get it wrong, but something about staying in bud…

MARTIN: Oh, my gosh. Oh, God. Sorry, now I need to find it ’cause I want to read it out loud.

(SOUNDBITE OF TYPING)

MARTIN: OK, let’s read it.

LAMOTT: It’s like, there came a day when – I don’t know.

MARTIN: (Reading) And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

LAMOTT: Yeah.

MARTIN: That’s lovely.

CHANG: And you can watch the full conversation with Anne Lamott on YouTube by searching for @NPRWildCard. Her new book, “Good Writing,” is out now.

(SOUNDBITE OF SUMMER WALKER SONG, “FMT”) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.

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Rachel Martin is a founding host of NPR's award-winning morning news podcast Up First. Martin's interviews take listeners behind the headlines to understand the people at the center of those stories.

She spent six years as a host of Morning Edition, and was previously the host of Weekend Edition Sunday for four years, where she launched the "For the Record" series.

Martin also served as National Security Correspondent for NPR, where she covered both defense and intelligence issues. She traveled regularly to Iraq and Afghanistan with Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and his successor Leon Panetta, reporting on the U.S. wars and the effectiveness of the Pentagon's counterinsurgency strategy. Martin also reported extensively on the changing demographic of the U.S. military – from the debate over whether to allow women to fight in combat units, to the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. Her reporting on how the military is changing also took her to a U.S. Air Force base in New Mexico for a rare look at how the military trains drone pilots.

Martin also worked as a NPR foreign correspondent based in Berlin from 2005-2006. During her time in Europe, she covered the London terrorist attacks, the election of Angela Merkel as Chancellor to Germany, the 2006 World Cup and issues surrounding immigration and shifting cultural identities in Europe.

Her foreign reporting experience extends beyond Europe. Martin has also worked extensively in Afghanistan. She began reporting from there as a freelancer during the summer of 2003, covering the reconstruction effort in the wake of the U.S. invasion. In fall 2004, Martin returned for several months to cover Afghanistan's first democratic presidential election. She has reported widely on human rights issues in Afghanistan, the fledgling political and governance system and the U.S.-NATO fight against the insurgency. She also reported from Iraq, where she covered U.S. military operations and the strategic alliance between Sunni sheiks and the U.S. military in Anbar province. She traveled to Saudi Arabi in 2015 to report on women's rights and in 2022 she reported from Ukraine's border with Belarus in the leadup to the Russian war.

Martin was part of the team that launched NPR's experimental morning news show, The Bryant Park Project, based in New York — a live two-hour daily multimedia program that she co-hosted with Alison Stewart and Mike Pesca.

In 2006-2007, Martin served as NPR's religion correspondent. Her piece on Islam in America was awarded "Best Radio Feature" by the Religion News Writers Association in 2007. As one of NPR's reporters assigned to cover the Virginia Tech massacre that same year, she was on the school's campus within hours of the shooting and on the ground in Blacksburg, Va., covering the investigation and emotional aftermath in the following days. In 2011, her story on racial discrimination in Hollywood won a Salute to Excellence Award from the National Association of Black Journalists and her series on the effects of the opioid epidemic on children won a Gracie award in 2019.

Martin started her career at public radio station KQED in San Francisco as a producer and reporter.

She holds an undergraduate degree in political science and an honorary doctorate from the University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, Wash. Martin also holds a Master's degree in international affairs from Columbia University.

She lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband and two sons.

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