On my first day of a new job about 15 years ago, I walked right into the glass door of a conference room in front of all my new colleagues.
Did I play it cool? No. I did the most awkward thing imaginable. I yelled, “OUCH!” — interrupting a presentation and causing everyone to rush over and fuss over me. I wanted to hide under the table until the meeting was over.
Whenever I experience something embarrassing, I somehow make the situation worse. Being quick on my feet has never been my strong suit.
There are, however, a few go-to tactics you can deploy to handle cringe-inducing moments with ease and grace, say experts. As I’ve learned from this story, I should have just quickly assured everyone I was OK, apologized for disrupting and sat down without giving it another thought.
Uncomfortable things are bound to happen in life, and that’s OK. The key is to know how to manage them.
“The goal is not to eliminate awkwardness from your life,” said Ali Mattu, a clinical psychologist, in a Life Kit episode about social anxiety. “The goal is to navigate awkwardness, because every connection you want — the friends you want to make, the work opportunities you want to gain — are all on the other side.”
Here are five real-life awkward situations you might find yourself in, and how to respond in the moment.
The situation: You’ve been talking with spinach in your teeth
The fix: Acknowledge it and move on
Reported by Andee Tagle
If you run face-first into an embarrassing situation, just face the thing head-on. Put it all right out on the table.
You might say, “Oh, wow, I am so sorry you’ve had to look at that spinach between my teeth. That was awkward,” says Ty Tashiro, a psychologist and a social scientist.
“It shows the other person that you understand what the social expectation is and that you don’t intend to continue being awkward in that way,” he says. “And it allows you to move on from the moment.”
If you don’t put the awkwardness on the table, he says, “it has this weird way of lingering through the rest of the conversation.” For tips on how to stop cringing about an awkward moment, read our comic.
The situation: You hate compliments, and someone just gave you one
The fix: Just say thank you
Reported by Andee Tagle
Many of us are bad at taking compliments. We deflect, negate, freeze up and sometimes visibly cringe. When there’s a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others see us, that can be uncomfortable, says Erica Boothby, a social psychologist.
Compliments can be especially challenging for people who struggle with self-esteem, says Xuan Zhao, a behavioral scientist. They may feel like they don’t deserve the praise.
Even if it feels hard, there are good reasons to accept a compliment. One study has found that genuine praise makes you feel happier. “When you receive a compliment, the reward circuit of your brain lights up, as if you were receiving money,” Zhao says.
But there’s no need to linger. Acknowledge the comment with a simple thank-you and move on, Zhou says. For more insights on the science of compliments, read our comic.
The situation: People love to comment on your appearance, and it makes you feel like a spectacle
The fix: Make a joke of it, but if it keeps happening, call it out
Reported by Andee Tagle
You can give someone one pass with a little joke to let them know you don’t like it, says Brittany Luse, host of It’s Been a Minute. “You can respond with, ‘Gosh, you’re the first person to tell me that.'” It gives them the opportunity to laugh with you, but it also lets them know that you’re not playing.
If people continue to cross this boundary, speak up, says Adia Gooden, a clinical psychologist and host of the podcast Unconditionally Worthy. “You can say, ‘It’s not cool. I’m not comfortable with it. Please stop.'”
“You’re not saying they’re an awful person, but you’re communicating that what they said is problematic,” she says. Read the full response to this Dear Life Kit question here.
The situation: Your aunt puts you on the spot at a family dinner
The fix: Be direct … or redirect
Reported by Marielle Segarra
If your aunt keeps asking when you’re getting married (a topic you don’t want to get into), it’s fine to say, “I don’t want to talk about it,” says Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist who specializes in relationships and the author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace.
You could also give a response like, “My thoughts about it aren’t fully processed. I’m still in the thinking phase about it.”
If the moment feels right, you can use humor to redirect the conversation. You might say, “Whoa! That’s a big question,” says Tawwab. “It can be a way to switch the topic without being so heavy.” For more advice on how to manage awkward conversations at family parties, click here.
The situation: You messed up while speaking in public
The fix: Take a beat
Reported by Kyle Norris
If something unexpected happens in the moment — say you stumble or lose your place — pause or slow down.
“If you get tongue-tied, take a beat,” says Eva Margarita, former assistant director of Texas Speech, the speech team at the University of Texas at Austin. Take a deep breath, and go back to the beginning of a sentence or restate the word you stumbled on.
And don’t worry — people don’t notice those pauses as much as you think they do, says Lauren Dominguez Chan, former speechwriter for former first lady Jill Biden and former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. “Even if someone does notice, that’s OK too.” Get more confidence-boosting tips on public speaking here.
This story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is CJ Riculan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at [email protected].
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