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'Memento Box or Me'

Original Letter:

I am in a four-year relationship and engaged to be married soon. I recently discovered that my fiancée has a box of items from her ex-boyfriend who died six years ago. This box has everything from old movie stubs, a rose, love letters and even the "Do Not Cross" yellow tape that was on the site where he had died. I have asked her to get rid of it but she flatly refuses. What can I do?

Elder Response:

My daughter-in-law was killed in a very tragic accident. I loved her very much and to this day, I cherish her memory. I have a rosemary bush that she was growing in her garden and a few mementos. I have noticed that as each year passes, I am less and less "attached" to them. Time has an amazing healing power. I am positive that time will cloud over the emotional feelings and connection that your fiancée has for this former friend. My suggestion is to tell her that you understand and will give her time to heal. She may love you all the more for understanding. If you feel it is having an adverse effect on your relationship, I suggest you might both consider talking to a minister, counselor or some such person. I am sure that both you and your bride to be do not want to enter marriage with any heavy emotional "baggage." I do wish you and your fiancée much happiness.

Best Regards,


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