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Reasons I Don't Feel Like I'm Family When at the Olive Garden

The hostess never hints that she'd really like it if I went to law school.

The busboy is always very polite about denying my requests for money.

The waiter never hits me, pulls my hair, or tells on me for things I never did.

The manager never cheats on my dad.

The dishwashers don't like it when I hug them goodbye.

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Matthew Rorem