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Excerpt: 'Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death'

Our hearts are broken. Our world seems like it has ended.

Our dreams, our hopes and our future with this child are over.

Our precious baby has died.

"Babies are not supposed to die. Not your baby and not ours. But sometimes they do die. It has happened, and you are not prepared for this. You most likely are in shock and might wonder why it had to come to an end like this because no matter how far along you were in your pregnancy or how long your baby lived, you loved and wanted this baby very much.

Many questions and fears are apt to arise in all this confusion. Some of these questions are: What will we do now? Will this nightmare end? Who do we tell and how? How will we make all of the decisions that we are so unprepared to make? No doubt you feel overwhelmedall alone in your shock and grief and unprepared to cope. Grief is a very lonely process. You must work through it on your own, but you need not be alone. Others can help you, even as they grieve themselves.

Because I have lived through the loss of my stillborn son-Brennan, a miscarriage-Marama (a girl, I think) and an ectopic pregnancy-Bryna (another girl, I think), I believe I can relate to some or many, but not all, of your feelings. I am deeply sorry your baby has died. I encourage you to make decisions that are right for you, just as David and I had to do. Fight the pressure to do what others think would be best for you. They won't have to live with those decisions and memories. You will."

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