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COMIC: How to make peace with your guilty feelings

NPR | By Andee Tagle,
Malaka Gharib
Published May 22, 2024 at 9:04 AM EDT
A woman grabs a bag of lunch in a fridge that says "Andee's food do not eat."
Malaka Gharib

You broke someone's heart. You missed your kid's recital. You weren't there for your mom when she needed you. Guilt can be painful – but it can also be a powerful tool for connection.

Taya Cohen, who researches honesty and moral character at Carnegie Mellon University, and Han Ren, a clinical psychologist based in Austin, Texas, explain how to cope with some of the unhealthy emotions that can come with guilt — and transform it into a positive force.

In life, we humans experience all kinds of guilt. Guilt when we do something we know we shouldn't have. Guilt when we can't do what a loved one wants us to do. Guilt when we feel like we're not doing a good enough job.
/ Malaka Gharib
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Malaka Gharib
Sometimes guilt can be a healthy impulse when you've done something wrong or harmed another person. But sometimes it can lead to negative emotions: anger, sadness, embarrassment ... or shame.
/ Malaka Gharib
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Malaka Gharib
If you are feeling guilty, there are exercises you can do to help deal with it. Ask yourself whether this is something you deserve to feel guilty about. If you're being made to feel guilty for something that's not your fault, you might say: "You are entitled to your emotions. But it's not my fault. I love you. But I love me too."
/ Malaka Gharib
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Malaka Gharib
Make amends. Hug it out, write a note, replace the item — do whatever it takes to own up to your mistake. But remember, the most effective, best apology is changed behavior.
/ Malaka Gharib
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Malaka Gharib
Once you've made amends for the hurt and the other person has accepted it, take a moment to reflect on your actions — then let yourself off the hook. A little humor goes a long way.
/ Malaka Gharib
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Malaka Gharib
Have a good gut-check person. Talk to a close friend or family member about what happened, someone who is able to tell you honestly who is at fault. Remember, guilt is an essential emotion in society. It helps reinforce our values and morals and keeps our behavior in check.
/ Malaka Gharib
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Malaka Gharib

The comic was edited by Andee Tagle and Beck Harlan. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at [email protected].

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Copyright 2024 NPR

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NPR News NPR News
Andee Tagle
Andee Tagle (she/her) is a reporter-producer for NPR's Life Kit podcast.
Malaka Gharib
Malaka Gharib is the digital editor of the NPR podcast Life Kit. Previously, she was the deputy editor and digital strategist on NPR's global health and development team, where she covered topics such as the refugee crisis, gender equality and women's health. Her work as part of NPR's reporting teams has been recognized with two Gracie Awards: in 2019 for How To Raise A Human, a series on global parenting, and in 2015 for #15Girls, a series that profiled teen girls around the world.
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